Imperfections

    Good Morning all! As I sit here with my cup of coffee in the quiet of the moment I think how nice it is to have quiet for a moment or two. Cameron is taking a rest as he was up at 530 am, Courtney is taking a nap and Tyler is watching football patiently waiting for the Seahawks to play. I have been thinking of my last two post and clearly I am not happy with my last one at all. However it is my imperfections that make this me. We are in a Home group we are reading “How to Reach Your Full Potential for God”…..It is rather good…..a little “deep” but good. So I am that person that is always searching for the next thing. I am that person who is reserved but I know I have the potential to reach out and do so much more. I am content at where I am and where I have been placed and just wait patiently for the next opportunity to grow and do His will. My imperfections to overcome the obstacles of my “little box” I have created to stay in. The imperfection of my bold words and not thinking clearly before I speak them. The clarity of something I may say that I have said all wrong and need to correct myself and the courage to do so and figure out the “perfect’ Words. My blog for example of things I say that so many may disagree with, it is me and those imperfections that make me “perfect” for my maker. I have been made in His design and only His. I write because I like to not because I am good or it is a passion or it is my calling….It certainly is not. I always say I haven't found what I am called to do. I have not found my place. There again so not true. I have found some of those things. After all I am a mom and you know what a rather good one at that for my children. I have been put in places where I just thrive as a person and I can say I am in places where I am limited to thrive or get what I need out of it. That doesn't mean there is is not a reason I am in that place or setting. God has a way to put us in situations not for us but for Him.  Showing my imperfection and my vulnerability is showing you all I am human.
         My vulnerability is showing you all my imperfections and my life. My oh so not perfect life. hmmmm……I have been put through the test lately and have really not shared with many people my feelings. I was struggling with my Mammogram big time. I was terrified I thought for sure the results were going to be bad. I was told it didn't look to good from the beginning. Really I had my thoughts on God and that I was ready to dive in full swing to my next journey of fighting something. I was okay with whatever just scared to get the news and to deal with it. Well It is all is okay!!! PRAISE GOD! I struggle daily with Brandon being gone and that I am his Mom. Let me tell you  I have never had such peace about a situation. I am completely leaning on God and know that if this isn't where we were suppose to be we wouldn't be here. This is not a mistake and God has fully made that very clear to me. He is with me daily and comforting me. I know what I have done for Brandon is for his good and he will become a wonderful man of God. He needed the opportunity that I could not give him to grow and understand how it all works. Brandon is doing good and learning lots. We get to go see  him next week and for that I am thankful. It has now been 4 weeks and 5 days. Only 47 weeks to go. We are on a long journey and in this time I am searching for all the answers. I am sure my closest friends have not even noticed but I have went in to “shut down” mode again. I am not going out of my way to make connections and find them when I don't have to. I am actually in my little world fighting and on “survival” mode. I put the smile on and take care of what I need to but in me I am fighting to figure it all out. This my friends is not a bad thing at all and you know what? I am sure most of us do this daily. This is really just me showing you all my “imperfections” ……The stuff inward people don't want to accept or admit. I am only human and I am being the best person I can be and doing it all for God. I am God’s Princess!!!