August 13 2010

 So on this date I wrote this last year. I remember this day very clearly and it was a Friday. I remember the pain, the sobbing, the loneliness, and of course the heart ache. I remember no one understanding and the voice I was trying to listen to and not the people. We are now 1 year 4 days later and I am so glad I listened to that voice. I am so glad that I relied on God and He guided us in this process every step of the way. This was the blog I wrote the day I first called Project PATCH and started the process for Brandon to leave home. It took a total of a month and 8 days from start to finish we drove down that dirt road and dropped our child off. As we drove away wanting to turn around ever mile we went. So emotionally exhausted we drove an 1 1/2 hours and got a hotel. I laid there and cried myself to sleep in seconds. The harsh reality the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The real reality the best decision we ever made. We are now rejoicing that our son gets to come home in 9 days and not only that but that he is graduating his program a month early. Brandon has made great strides and is a remarkable young man. Those who may not have agreed thanks for choosing to love me anyway. Those who didn’t agree and thought he was great well wait till you see him now. The change is amazing. The respect is high. My little boy I left behind to grow into a better future and better life and grow with God is not so little anymore he is a young man with high regard on life, knows who he is. My little boy I wanted to know God so desperately went through his struggles this year. He asked the tough questions of “is there really a God?” “why if there is does He let bad things happen?” has come to know Him as his personal Savior. My young man is getting baptized on August 26th (I believe) and that is the day he graduates Project PATCH and is the day he is coming home. So with all that said and as I read the blog post below I remember the great pain I went through for my son and I remember the severe pain I put my son in leaving him in the arms of strangers. All in all I would say all that great pain led to the greatest joy we feel today.  I am a better mother for this and he is a better son for this and I know we both agree!!! Love is not always easy but we conquered this through God’s love, guidance and grace!

 

 

A Mother's Love So Strong So True!

Today is the day. I have been struggling with a situation in my life. I don’t talk about it because no one seems to understand. The reaction when I do talk about it is it is normal. If this situation is so “normal” then why cant I deal with it or handle it. I am or think I am normal. Is there really a normal? I can not relate and am struggling. So besides the family members in my home and one outside family member knows of this situation. I seem to be the only one who can make a decision. So with many weeks of prayer I took my first step to making this decision. I cried all day off and on, Crying as I lay here and write this. I cried on the phone to a total stranger….who does that? Let me tell you who does that.
A Mother does. A Mothers love so deep and so true. A Mother so helpless she knows not what to do. A Mother who can try and rely on God, but does not like what He is telling her to do. A Mother who has more than one responsibility in her life. A Mother who is to protect all her little blessings at all times. A Mother who is helpless at this time!
      I don’t think this is the end of my journey I am about to begin. Harder days are certainly going to come. I am going to continue to rely on God and make the decision I need to for my family sake. I just pray God shuts the door if it is the wrong decision for my family. A Mother’s love so strong and so true. I hope when it comes out you all love me just the same and do not judge me for the decision WE made for our family.